Late yesterday evening, I was spontaneously serenaded with the following:
“Jesus loves the little children,
All the children of the world,
Put the children in the toilet,
Watch ’em spinning in the toilet,
Jesus loves the little children of the world.”
While I admire the creativity of seamlessly blending traditional classics with a fresh mix of enthusiastic improvisation, I am not convinced that Stumps has a future as a professional lyricist. God, please don’t send her straight to hell just yet. I remain hopeful that despite increasing and compelling evidence to the contrary, she could still grow up to make a respectable contribution to society. We’re working on it.

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