The Beans and I are sitting outside Stumps’ ballet studio with all the other moms and siblings, and my indiscreetly gassy little Bean is tooting loudly, longly, and continuously. I keep asking her to say”excuse me”, but instead my 21 month old insists upon saying “Hi!” to her farts.
It’s all like “Good morning, flatulence! I missed you! Thanks for stopping by and clearing the dance hallway! The other parents totally think my mommy is committing these unspeakable acts and she is self-consciously overcompensating by loudly instructing me to excuse myself. They are completely giving her the side-eye of skepticism. This is the most fun I’ve ever had waiting for sissy’s boring class to end!”