Stumps-isms from just the last 90 minutes of our Tuesday evening

“My best friend in the whole wide world is Miss Rachel’s daughter. What’s her name again?”

If I were Miss Rachel’s daughter and overheard Stumps expressing this thoughtful,  touching, and heartfelt sentiment, personally I would feel warm and fuzzy for weeks.


“Daddy can I sit in your lap?”

{Husband} Okay but you won’t be able to reach the puzzle that you are working on from here.

“That’s okay. I think I’m just gonna chill out here for awhile.”

Sweetie, my mid-eighties childhood called. It wants its catchphrase back.


{If you count aunts, great-aunts, and great-great-aunts, my children have about ten that they are acquainted with}

“Mommy is my aunt dead?”

Um, no I don’t think so sweetie. Which aunt do you mean?

“You know the one, mommy. The really old one! I drank water at her house that time!”

{Oh that one.} Sorry sweetie, I am still not sure which aunt you are referring to.

“Gah mommy! Yes THE ONE WHO GAVE ME A DRINK OF WATER THAT TIME! It was a really long time ago!”

{Right. Of course. One of your ten aunts, whom so memorably rehydrated you at her house sometime in the past four years. Thanks for clarifying and helping me narrow it down a bit. For the record, by this point in the conversation Stumps has become so frustrated with me that she is about to lose it.}

Uhhhh…… Aunt R? …maybe…?

“YES Mommy! That one!”

Well okay sweetie. Yes Aunt R is in her early 80s but she is decidedly quite feisty and most certainly not dead.

“No Mommy. I didn’t say Aunt R is dead. Gah! {again with the “gah”. I mean how old is she? fourteen?} I just said that she is really really old and that she gave me water at her house that time and that she is about to die!”

Um. My apologies to my dear aunt R. I think I speak for all of us here at the House of Stumps and Beans in stating that we do in fact feel that you are the very picture of senior health excellence, and though Stumps may fixate on the basic human kindness that you once extended to her by giving her a sip of the old H2O that one time that she was particularly parched and cruelly neglected by her mommy at the tender age of two-and-a-half, I promise that we do sometimes give her glasses of water at home, too.


For more Stumps-isms on dismissal from employment and of course death…

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