Stumpsisms of the day

Aside

Stumps will ask me “Why?” nineteen times in a row and still not be satisfied with my answer. Since I am not quite ready to surrender to earning the very special Mother Of The Year award that is reserved for mommies who tell their preschool-age children to “shut up”, I oftentimes find myself saying “Sweetie, it’s my quiet time now.”

This, however, has started to backfire. Now when I pick the Stumps up from daycare and inquire about her day, she responds with “Can I have some quiet time please?”

In other news, Husband was upstairs this evening giving our pitiful little Beans, who was mid-overtired-and-overstimulated-helltantrum, a bath. Typically my children bathe together so when I came downstairs and found my four year old still down here playing, I asked why she wasn’t with her sister in the bath. Stumps replied, “I don’t want to listen to all that freaking out.”

Instead we played beauty parlor for awhile. Stumps was styling my hair and just tooting up a storm. I asked if she had gas and she stated matter-of-factly, “Yes, that usually happens when you fix someone’s hair.” Hairstylists – Is excessive flatulence a universal issue within the industry? It must be all the exposure to processing chemicals. I now feel like I am privy to one of the secrets of the trade. Prior to this evening, I just always assumed she got it from her dad.

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Pictures of my children being awkward

IMG_1121

stumpstantrum

stumpstantrum

stumpstantrum

stumpstantrum

18 month old stumps

sleep in highchair

beanslaziness

beanslaziness

grossdorablestumps

grossdorablestumps

grossdorablebeans

grossdorablebeans

2.5 year old stumps

2.5 year old stumps

beanward scissorhands

beanward scissorhands

beans puts up with a lot

beans puts up with a lot

the picture that launched a blog

the picture that launched a blog

My thus far entirely backwards blog (Alternately titled: Thanks for reading, mom.)

I have committed one of the unforgivable sins of parenting and not created baby books for my children. Or a wedding album for that matter :) . I have little scraps (think scribbles on the backs of receipts, notations in the margins of shopping lists, reminder emails sent from myself to myself) everywhere… and I also have facebook status updates as far back as 2007 that in recent years have become longer and longer and more like my (very public, fraught-with-poor-grammar) journal.

I would throw the paper scraps with my girls’ milestones, ridiculously cute nonsense toddler quotes, and so on into a drawer at my desk by my computer, always intending to organize the most poignant and amusing episodes since I really became (or at least started to feel like) an adult* into something concrete that would help me remember the very ordinary life that I live.

I purchased this domain on February 1, and have been blogging almost entirely backwards… pulling together all of the different sources that I have shoved into drawers in my computer desk, posted on facebook, noted on my iPod, etc, to create a record of the most interesting, bizarre, amusing, treasured, and ridiculous moments of the last 5 or so years of my life. Since I now have approximately 150 blog posts, you can do the math and determine that I have not really slept since Wednesday. {yawn}

If you do happen to read this and experience deja vu when reading the content prior to January 31, a whole lot of it is from my status updates on facebook which had in the last year or two started to turn into more of a blog.

I plagiarized myself.

I am now to fall 2010 and am still blogging backwards, hoping to have this record really start in 2008. I will simultaneously be blogging in real-time like a normal person (…well, as normal as a person can possibly be who keeps a public self-absorbed diary on the internet and begs people to “follow” it :)

Anyway – if the content speaks to you, if you happen to find it relatable, if you happen to enjoy reading it, if it makes you laugh… please comment, please “follow” (God blogging is narcissistic), please share. It will hold me accountable to continue to post and give my kids another compelling reason to be embarrassed by me and need a gifted therapist when they become literate.

In conclusion, I never know how to end these things. And also I am fully aware that it is entirely likely  I am only talking (writing?) to my mom. So, hm. Thanks for stopping by!

 *which I consider around the age of 25. I try to block out probably 90% of my early 20s entirely

Three going on thirteen

(I am in my bathrobe this morning putting on makeup to get ready for work.)

“Mommy you can’t WEAR that. People will SEE you!”

At least she didn’t call me two-syllable “mo-om”

Ya damn kids get off my lawn!

Husband and I bought a minivan today. We are one step closer to being ready to be a family of four and one step closer to teenagers targetting us for roof-eggings and law-toilet-paperings.

I am having an utterly emotional moment here as I picture future-Stumps and future-Beans arguing over who has to be the one seen in public driving it in the year 2027. {sniff} :’)