These are the reasons I may end up in hell (Part I of a series. Maybe. If I can think of more reasons. …I’m sure I will be able to think of more reasons.)

My girls received a jellybean dispenser and a large assortment of Jelly Belly beans for Christmas. They definitely believe that the only flavors the kit came with are Black Licorice and Chili Mango.

It is just self-explanatory that anything the flavor of Black Licorice is vile.

If you have not had the pleasure thus far of sampling a Chili Mango Jelly Belly, it tastes sort of like the way that anxious-adult-armpit-sweat smells. (I have interviewed well over a thousand job applicants in the past 6+ years. The vast majority have been nervous. I know what I am talking about.)

I keep the other 48 flavors for myself, and tell the girls their gift only came with Black Licorice and Stress Perspiration Chili Mango flavored beans.

When future-me inquires as to how my poor soul ended up in hell after death, this will be one of the reasons.

As an aside – Did you know that Jelly Belly has a line of prank beans called Beanboozled? One of the prank flavors, which is identical in appearance to their peach-flavored bean, is called “Barf”. You learn something new and useful every day.