Worst blogger ever

After one too many creeptastic search terms that generated views to my blog, I took a hiatus. I continued to post the daily exploits of Stumps and Beans, but on the much less threatening facebook, where I know all 500ish people who have access to read about my children in real life.  I will backward blog the highlights into the archives to fill in the past three months soon. In the meantime, nothing motivates me to de-lurk out of blog sabbatical more enthusiastically than a ridiculously age-inappropriate Biblical-themed picture colored by one of my tiny daughters at their church preschool.

Don’t worry sweetie. Very few of our nightmares actually come true. And in truth, I hear that being violently impaled by a spear is actually a surprisingly peaceful way to die.




I simply remember my favorite things…

Artistic preschool-age renderings of people are pretty much the Best. Thing. Ever.



Weird things my children have colored – Part of a Series

While I am at work, my daughters attend a Christian church preschool childcare center. Though I believe in God, pray frequently, and feel generally at peace with the state of my soul, we are not a religiously practicing family. Husband was raised Southern Baptist; I was raised by a Methodist-turned-atheist, and a nonpracticing Jew. Suffice it to say, other than having a pretty solid relationship with God, I have not quite sorted out my beliefs regarding all of the additional details that define a specific denomination or religious practice. I am enjoying the journey of figuring that out though, and am completely okay with my spiritual ambiguity.

My four year old has a refreshingly sweet, unjaded (just gonna go ahead and make up a word here since I don’t know an antonym for jaded) heart and immense faith in God. I love this and want to protect and nurture her spirituality (and if and when she changes her mind down the road, support and encourage whatever direction her quest for faith may lead her) as best I can, despite being relatively agnostic myself.

Now that this post has become really deep and philosophical and you are expecting me to continue to contemplate the mysteries of the Creator… I am going to go ahead and mock my toddler’s (now preschooler’s) art projects. Specifically, the coloring book pictures that Stumps brings home from school.

Anytime I reach into her cubby and the coloring-sheet of the day is so ridiculous that I glance around in search of a hidden camera and wonder if I am being Punk’d, I scan it in and share it on fb. I am going to roll out this series of posts today with the very first questionably age-appropriate picture Stumps ever brought home. She colored this masterpiece of children’s biblical curriculum in July 2011, when she was 2 1/2. For the rest of these, I will date them in their proper places in the archives based on when she colored them, and link them to this post. I eagerly await your captions for Stumps’ religious-themed art.

It took a couple of years, but Stumps is finally overcoming her fear of water

Fabio versus the lion

If He rolls his eyes and sighs Pilate, you have crossed the line

When you mix theology and LSD, this could potentially be the result


The decolletage collage (Okay this one is not biblical. It is Beans’ first submission to the series though so I felt that it was entitled to an honorable mention)

Without further adieu…

At preschool today, my two year old colored what appears to be a murder.

Weird things my children have colored – Part of a Series

Created by Beans – Age 20 months

At my daughters’ preschool, the shape-of-the-week last week for one-year-olds was the square. In celebration of square week, the children tore out magazine pictures and pasted them on the shape of honor. I give Beans points for creativity and also for taking a bit of a risk as an artist. Who doesn’t appreciate the female form?